We are here

Cannot believe it, but here we are. A traitor in the White House who has sold our democracy. Complicit members of his party who are ignoring what has happened. A literal cult of followers who believe that tried and true journalists are fake news. It is unfathomable to me.

How did we get here? How did we end up with so many who are so immeshed in the MAGA cult that they cannot see what is happening? Whatever happened to Better Dead Than Red?

I wish I knew. I wish I had the answers. I don't. I can blame it on Reagan and the Fairness Doctrine which led to the abomination that is Fox News, but is that truly fair or accurate? Are we not bound to discern what is accurate for ourselves? Or do we rely on liars like Fox or Breitbart or Inforwars to complete us with their lies that affirm our confirmation bias? Are we truly THAT stupid?

I had a company come out and examine a crack in my foundation. Their price to fix? Roughly 10x the competition's. Is it not on ME as the consumer to investigate and compare and research what is truth and what isn't?

I guess not. I guess the educator and researcher in me expects too much.

And, this? This is what we are dealt for not paying attention? For not dismissing the lies about HRC? We end up with a Russian asset in the White House?

I wish I could say that the people of the United States don't deserve this, but given the response of the 45 sycophants? I'm not so sure.

I weep for what was.

I take up space here. Like a chair. The disappearance of which wouldn't make any difference.

I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. And, I have no right. I guess I thought the Golden Years of empty nesters would be different. Didn't count on profound heart disease to destroy what I had thought would happen.

No right to complain. The man I love is here. He's here. And, he tries as hard as he can to cope with the shit pile Karma handed him.

But I'm lonely. He can't go out to dinner or to a show. He can't travel. Lunch is the best I can hope for at my age and I'm still working so that's out most of the time.

Maybe I did this to myself. Maybe I'm lonely because people hate me and I am blaming it on someone's health.

I wish I knew. But I am so, so alone. I travel for work. And, it terrifies me to leave him. I don't want to go anywhere at night for the same reason.

Not a lot of understanding. Doing my best but falling short.