I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. And, I have no right. I guess I thought the Golden Years of empty nesters would be different. Didn't count on profound heart disease to destroy what I had thought would happen.

No right to complain. The man I love is here. He's here. And, he tries as hard as he can to cope with the shit pile Karma handed him.

But I'm lonely. He can't go out to dinner or to a show. He can't travel. Lunch is the best I can hope for at my age and I'm still working so that's out most of the time.

Maybe I did this to myself. Maybe I'm lonely because people hate me and I am blaming it on someone's health.

I wish I knew. But I am so, so alone. I travel for work. And, it terrifies me to leave him. I don't want to go anywhere at night for the same reason.

Not a lot of understanding. Doing my best but falling short.